If you’ve reading this you probably already have a list of goals in mind or better yet, written down.  The question is, “Are they yours?”  You probably responded, “Of course they’re mine!”  But, I ask again.  “Are they?” This time before you respond, thing about why you have set your goals and for whom?

Your list could include getting a better job, or making X amount of money this year, or losing X pounds, receiving a particular degree, learning a new language, or any other number of great goals. Chance are the list above covered at least one of your goals.  But, is it your goal?

How do you know if a goal is your own?

What would happen if you abandoned it?

Ask these questions:

1. Does someone expect it of you? Is your spouse, partner, or a family member expecting you to get a new job, because they think you’d enjoy it?  Do they want you to get it because they think it would improve the quality of their life?   Do they want you to lose weight because they think it would improve the quality of your life?    Do they want you to get a certain degree because they always “knew” you’d be good at it? If you have a goal because someone expects it of you, then perhaps the goal is  not your own.
2. Who would it upset? Would anyone else care if you stayed with your current job? Would they be disappointed? Why? Is it because a new job would mean a different lifestyle for them?  What about you?  Would you be disappointed or relieved if you stayed with your current job? If you are seeking a new job because you are afraid to disappoint someone, then perhaps the goal is not your own.
3. Are you trying to reach your goal because that is what people ought to do?  Are you trying to lose weight because people of your height ought to weigh X pounds?  Are you trying to earn X amount of money this year because people of your age bracket ought to be making that much?  If the only reason you are trying to reach a goal is because it is what people ought to do, then perhaps the goal is not your own.
4. If money wasn’t an object would you still have your goal? Obviously, if making X amount of money this year was a goal this question would be irrelevant.  But, it is a good question for some of the other goals.  Would you still want to change jobs if money wasn’t an object?  Would you be trying to earn a particular degree if you didn’t need money?  What about learning a new language?  Are you trying to learn a new language because it would make you more marketable? If a goal is strictly there for the sake of making more money, then perhaps the goal is not your own.

If you asked those questions and you’ve discoverd that those goals are not your own abandon them now!  Make an about face and seek goals that are truly your own.

We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
–C. S. Lewis

Once you’ve decided on goals that are truly your own there is another question to ask.

Why?

Why?  Its an important question.  It drives us further back and solidifies the purpose and then gives direction. Perhaps, it even gives light to a hidden goal which is the true one.

You’ve decided that you want to get a new job,and the goal is truly your own. Why? Why do you want the new job?  Is it because your bored?  You need more money?  Better insurance? You’re boss is making your life miserable?  You want more time for your family? You want a job that allows you to travel more?

If you don’t ask why your goal can lack direction or purpose.  For instance, you’ve decided that you’re not happy at your current job, so you make it your goal to find a new one and you’re certain that this goal is your own.  So, you begin your job search and land a new job.  In six months your not happy and at your job and you’re in the same boat and you are ready to look for a job again.  You didn’t ask why you wanted a new job.  Perhaps, you found a job that paid better, but you’re still not happy.  Why?  If you ask this question.  You might have answered that what you really wanted was a job that allowed you to spend more time with your family and what you got was a job that paid more, but required you to spend more time working away from home.  Now you are six months behind in achieving your true goal.  Which wasn’t necessarily getting a new job, but spending more time with your family.  Had you asked “Why?” before you changed jobs, then perhaps you could have made arrangements with your employer to allow you to spend more time with your family.  You might have found that your current job then becomes more satisfying, because your real source of frustration was the lack of time you could spend with your family.

Another example

You’ve decided you want to lose twenty pounds.  You’ve made certain that it isn’t because its something you ought to do.  You want this for your self. Why? Is there someone you like? What happens if you lose interest in that person?  Do you still have a reason to lose those twenty pounds?  Ask why again.  Why do you need t lose twenty pounds for this person?  Is it because they are only interested in thin people? If so, is this really someone you want to spend your time with?  Or, do you want to lose the twenty pounds because you lack confidence?  If you find this is the real reason then you have direction.  Your goal isn’t necessarily to lose weight, but to build self confidence.  Maybe you haven’t had much success and you need to work on setting goals that build confidence and help you lose weight at the same time.  Rather than just losing weight you decide that you want to be able to complete a 10k.  So, you begin with smaller goals such as running a mile without needing to walk, and then two miles, and then three and so on until you’re at the 10k mark.  Every small goal in between is a success that helps build confidence and along the way you’ve wound up shedding those 20 pounds.

Or, when you ask the question, “Why do I want to lose 20 pounds?”  You answer because I want to have more energy to play with my kids.  Or because I’m in pain and this will ease it.  This is what has happened to me.  I need to lose a lot more than twenty pounds.  Losing weight has been one of those goals I’ve had, but I always set it aside for other goals, such as achieving a better career, a better house, etc… I never asked why I wanted to lose weight.  Now, my son is old enough to want to run, explore, play ball or work in the garden and I find to tired to play with him.  In addition I am in a lot of pain that is directly related to my obesity.  I have discovered some true direction now for losing weight and it is one of my all consuming priorities.  I am losing weight so that I can fell better and have the energy to play with my son.

Motivation or lack of it, is one of the most common reasons people abandon their goals.  Making sure that the goal is your own and not somebody else and making sure you really know why you have that goal will find motivation.

Here are a couple other good resources for discovering why you are making a goal.

Do You Make These 9 Mistakes When Setting Goals?

The 5 Percent Trick: Finding Passion and Purpose in Your Life